Sometimes someone recommends something to you, a sermon or a book or a blog or a movie, and you put off reading or watching or listening to it.  Then later, when you finally get around to whatever it was, you find that the timing, even through seemingly random delay, was perfect.   Read the rest of this entry »

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience– among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But G, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together in Chr– by grace you are saved– and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Chr J, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Chr J.”

Eph. 2:1-7

“Out of the depths I cry to you, O L! O L, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O L, should mark iniquities, O L, who should stand? But with you there is forgiveness that you may be feared.

I wait for the L, my soul waits and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the L more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the L! for with the L there is steadfast love, and with him there is plentiful redemption. And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.”

Ps. 130 is something I have to take on faith tonight. I struggle, like all humans, with coming for forgiveness when I have sinned. Even though my life is rooted in truth, I somehow believe the lie that I must find some kind of goodness on my own, that I must earn forgiveness, that I must meet some standard before my repentance is accepted.

I know I’m not good enough, and I tell myself that it’s shame that keeps me from seeking His grace. But really it is pride. Frustration that once again I have failed to hit the mark. Inability to humbly hold up my hands and say, “more grace, please once again, give more grace.” I claim these promises: “with him there is plentiful redemption” and “with you there is forgiveness that you may be feared.” For this moment He died. His blood covers even this presumptive sin of someone who should be obeying out of love. I can rise from this moment clean and robed in His righteousness. I never need to be good enough to come to Him.

We don’t see as He sees. I know this truth, and yet, often, it is this very limited perspective that causes me the most frustration. Trusting that He knows the way, that He actually designs the way, and that His way is best takes faith and patience and grace beyond my reach.

Sometimes I don’t realize that I have these little spiritual checklists until He reveals it to me, but I think I had one in this area. “When God opens a door–check. I’m good with following Him there. When God closes a door– yup, got that one. When God opens the door with amazing provision and then seems to slam the same door shut– WHAT?” That one tripped me up recently. In my fleshly control-freak way, I want Him to point in a direction and then let me just head off on my own (until I find myself in trouble). This moment by moment holding on to Him, submitting each change to Him, letting go of each dream to Him, even the ones He gave, this is impossible for me to do. He must give me grace because I am unable to exercise such faith and submission on my own.

I was pondering this kind of a situation this morning, and my reading was providentially about the life of Joseph. Wow. Joseph had a great childhood, then, BAM, slavery in Egypt. But God blessed him, being with him and giving him success in the home of his new master. Until, BAM, by obeying he ended up in prison. A door opens in serving Potiphar, and God blesses abundantly, then that door of opportunity slams totally shut. “But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison. And the keeper of the prison put Joseph in charge of all the prisoners who were in the prison. Whatever was done there, he was the one who did it. The keeper of the prison paid no attention to anything that was in Joseph’s charge, because the Lord was with him. And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.” Success again. If I was Joseph, I’d have had my entire prison ministry career mapped out at this point, but again God’s plans were totally different and bigger and intended for Joseph’s good and the good of many others.

We never hear from Scripture what Joseph’s thoughts were during all of this, except when he refuses to disobey God with Potiphar’s wife. But Joseph’s actions are of faithful service. He behaved as though he trusted God’s plan without having to know it himself. He must have still had a positive spirit about him because others entrusted so much to him. Nothing that Joseph said or did distracts us from the point of the story: God. We glorify Him as we read this story: we only see His amazing hand working and providing and leading.

I am forced to look at my life very seriously this morning. So much of what people see is me: my whining, my pondering, my ideas, my goals. If He is supreme to me, if I can rest quietly through ups and downs, through open then shut doors, how much more will others see Him and glorify Him. I see this example in Joseph. I see this example in the lives of dear friends around me. And I repeat, only God can do this work in me, and I must obey and let Him.

In case you’ve missed the news of the week, I have a new macbook computer which has, in only two days, become, according to Mrs. Ascher, “my best friend.” Yet another cool feature is the built-in dictionary. Tonight I used it because I was pondering some verses.

Nourish- a transitive verb meaning to provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth, health and good condition.

Cherish- a transitive verb meaning to protect and care for someone lovingly; to hold someone or something dear

Ephesians 5:28-29 “In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church…”

It’s taken me till this advanced age to really get a handle on what I am waiting for in a guy. I mean, I’m not hunting, but I want to be sure I recognize the one when he comes along. Now I realize that I’ve been analyzing it all too much, even though I acknowledge that the analyzing and pondering and growing of years regarding this issue are what have brought me to my now simplified conclusion.

I’m waiting for someone who resembles Christ in my life. I’m waiting for someone who actively nourishes and cherishes me. It’s not enough that he meets some kind of fairy tale checklist. Probably he won’t. But he will provide for my growth. He will long to protect me. He will lovingly care for me. That’s worth waiting for.

The most exciting thoughts that I have about this passage revolve around the idea that I don’t actually have to wait for this. The husband, who may or may not come along, is to follow the example of Christ who already nourishes and cherishes the Church. I’m a part of this church. He is actively nourishing and cherishing me. It doesn’t take long to think of daily illustrations of this love that He has for me.

So tonight I lie in bed counting the ways that I am loved and nourished and cherished. And I rejoice. And, perhaps, I will sleep.