It’s a topic I’ve pondered a lot in my life: singleness vs. marriage.  I’ve been single, well, awhile.  I have lots of single friends to talk about this with.  I’ve had lots of friends who have journeyed through being single into being married.

Being such a large life issue, it’s something that tends to be revisited often, re-worked, re-thought as new life situations happen in and around me and those that I know.  I’ve listened to sermons, taken advice, read books, and pr-ed a lot about it.  Probably it would be the same were I married: it’s a part of life that needs constant evaluation to be brought into the light of truth.  Relational areas are places where we need great grace and serious sanctification.  They are areas where we can bring much glory to G as He is seen working in us.

That being said, I believe I see growth in my life in my handling of this area.  At least, a light bulb has gradually been starting to glow that now seems to shed a lot more light than I used to have.  I want to let you in on some thoughts that I’ve had recently.  Be aware: 1) I’m a work in progress, and 2)this is long. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve very limited experience with cats.  Apparently, I don’t count as a “cat person.”  Since three official cat people have told me this, then I have to believe it is true.  For this I blame my dad.  (I can relate to you the sad story of my first cat Blackie when I was only four or five years old, if you really want to know.)  But anyway… My family had the same two dogs for most of my life: one for 12 years and the other for 16 years.  We also had three or four litters of puppies.  Dogs, even random dogs I don’t know, usually like me.  When a dog acts a certain way, I usually know why or what to do.  But cats, cats are a mystery to me. Read the rest of this entry »

I feel that I’ve forgotten how to write.  So many people care to hear how I am, people that love and uphold me, but when I try to put the last few weeks into words, I am at a loss.  But I feel compelled to make an effort.

Really, I thought that moving to China was the last big life change I’d have for a while.  (This just shows how limited my knowledge is.)  I am finding this time of friends moving on, of new teachers and camp, of preparing to move away, very challenging.  When I wrote a few posts ago to explain about the move, I tried to keep the tone very positive and excited.  I’m aware that the number of people who read this blog has expanded, and I thought perhaps my former transparency would not be appropriate.  But I don’t write this blog for the purpose of making myself look good.  I intend to show His grace in spite of my own weakness.  The truth is that, while I am totally confident that moving to a new city and a new situation is exactly G’s plan for me, I have struggled a lot recently with doubts and fears.

I think I am supposed to struggle.  Perhaps if I went there confident in my own abilities, strong in my own wisdom, proud of my own emotional balance, then I would usurp glory from the One to whom all glory belongs.  As it is, these past few weeks have merely served to point out my total insufficiency for the task ahead.  I’m emotionally needy and attached to all those I love around me.  I’m unable to love with the selfless love of Ch.  I’m doubting and fearful and disobedient.

Our Father is, however, supremely faithful: faithful to give strength for this daunting week, faithful to provide direction for a million details of moving and settling in, faithful to grant wisdom and grace to the colleague who will lead me, faithful to teach me so many things I need to learn.

In the midst of this internal struggle, I am rejoicing.  His work in me is still continuing.  He is trying to prune away the dead branches so I will bear more fruit.  He is never going to give up on me.  I hope that in the coming months, the effect of this pruning will be abundant fruit in and through me.

I’m going to try to remember these thoughts.

“G’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.”

Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sonnets from the Portuguese- XXVI

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Prov. 13:12

I have calm confidence that He will continue to bless me with amazingly good gifts that far exceed my wishes or expectations. While this confidence may only last a minute at a time in its fullest strength, it continues to grow a teeny bit each day.

Today is the first of April, a day for pranks, jokes, and hoaxes. I tried to pull one off by stealing Justin’s turtle, but my hilarious lack of success decided me against trying anything else.

During part of my classes today when the students were watching a video, I’ve been memorizing and meditating upon Ps. 37. So many commands: fret not, trust in the L, do good, delight yourself in the L, commit your way to the L, be still before the L, wait patiently, FRET NOT. The passage also lists several rewards: he will give you the desires of your heart, he will act, he will bring forth your righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday.

On April Fool’s Day, I’ve been reminded that I’m often such a fool. I turn so easily to fretting, to not trusting, to delighting in other things, to refusing to wait patiently. Of all people who should be doing these things, it should be me, someone who sees His grace changing lives all around her, someone who watches Him provide for her tiniest need, someone who sees His faithful forgiveness to herself and others daily. I must learn to see consistently that His way is better than my own desires or plans. I must stop being a fool.